The One Stick
by ToTheMoonAndBack
Summary: A bunch of teens, celebrities, and fictional characters have to destroy the One Stick, or Sara the giant-5-foot-tall-albino squirrel will take over Hell
1. Chapter One

Disclaimer: Hey, Natalie here. I just like you all to know that I got some of my ideas from the fan fic "Dude, Where's My Ring", so I just like to give the credit to it's author L&M about the ideas of the use of the Y.M.C.A. song  
Chapter One  
  
Jessica looked across the fields of strawberries. She stopped. The stubborn jackass was right in front of her. She moved silently and swiftly. She took out her flamethrower. She signalled to Natalie and Yike to get their weapons ready. Natalie aimed her Mirkwood bow. Yike took out his half_broken sword that could not be repaired because he was too cheap to do it. Jessica raised her hand...the signal to shoot! Natalie swiftly shot two arrows at the donkey. Jessica ran screaming "MY PRECIOUSSS!" and Yike swung his sword pointlessly around his head, doing nothing to help his friends. Together, Jess and Natalie killed the donkey that Link, Jessica's boyfriend, had been cheating on. Jessica smiled. The donkey was dead. Yike still stood swinging around his sword muttering about math problems. Natalie took out her Elvish sword and hit Yike on the head with the flat side, knocking the half_broken sword away from his hand. Yike cried,"Where are my mints?" And, then he fell unconscious. "Mints?" asked Jess, "What the hell?" "He's strange!" Nat replied. "But, what's up with mints? He must have an obsession-," "Well, no duh, Captain Obvious! Of course he's obsessed with mints!" All of a sudden, Yike woke up. He looked at them in a dazed sort of way. He got up and started to sing to the Y.M.C.A. tune: "Eat it! If your breath smells like scum I said eat it Then you know where to come There's a thing here called M.I.N.T. You-can-get-a-mint-now Just come to the M.I.N.T. Come to the M.I.N.T. You can get a mint Or maybe a listerine When you first taste it Your breath will have never been so clean! Just come to the M.I.N.T. Come to the M.I.N.T. Eat a strong mint Or maybe a listerine Any other breath-mint Won't keep your breath as clean! So come to the M.I.N.T. Just go to the M.I.N.T.-,"  
  
"Okay! We get the idea!" Jessica and Natalie shouted at the same time. "Wait, let me finish my song!" Yike cried. "What is M.I.N.T.?" Jessica asked. "My International Network of Telemarketing for mints!" Yike said proudly. "Uh-huh," Natalie said. 


	2. Chapter Two

Hey all! It's me, Natalie, and I'm back again...I forgot to mention to you guys that the One Stick doesn't really come up until chapter 4, and they don't find out it's the One Stick until chapter 7. The first 6 chapters are really talking about the characters and the setting.  
  
Chapter Two  
  
Suddenly, a figure runs out of nowhere screaming: "My ears! They burn! They're burning! The horror! The horror! Yike singing!" "Isn't that Steven?" asked Jessica. "Yeah, it is! Waaazuuup!!!" Natalie said. "Oh, nothing much. My hearing will be scarred for life from Yike's horrible singing, but that's about all," Steven said sarcastically. "I'm not a bad singer!," Yike cried. "Wanna mint?" All three: Natalie, Jessica, and Steven yelled, "NO!!!" "Natalie, can you knock him out cold again?" Jessica questioned. "Gladly!" Natalie said as she took out her Elvish sword. She raised it over her head and swung it in a low arc. She hit Yike on the head with the flat side of the blade. He screamed a final, "MINT!" and was down, unconscious. "You do know that he will start to sing when he wakes up, right?" Natalie asked. "Yeah, I do," Jessica replied. "Jeez, he is annoying!" Steven said. "You think someone would have duct taped his mouth by now!" "Yeah," said Jessica. "Let's go eat some onions!" They walked back towards Jessica's Outback Steakhouse. "Jessica, have you seen my donkey?" asked Link, his eyes brimming with tears. "I cannot find her." "Uh, yeah, I saw a...um...dragon...yeah, a dragon attacked it!" She replied, smiling inside. "NO! It cannot be! The precious is gone!" Link cried. And then abruptly, he dropped to the floor. "He's dead!" Natalie said after checking for a pulse. "I'm an Elf- expert, and sometimes, Elves can die of broken-hearts. Obviously, by killing his true love, a donkey, it has caused him so much pain that he has died." "Oh well!" Jessica said. "Hee hee!" Steven said. "I don't think I want to know why he said that," Natalie said. "Neither do I," Jessica said, giving Steven a glare. "What?" "Never mind! Let's go eat onions!" Jessica said. They walked into the restaurant. 


	3. Chapter Three

Guess who's back, back again, Nat is back, tell a friend...lol..anyways here's ch 3 to my random LOTR parody!  
  
Chapter Three  
  
Yike woke up in the strawberry field. Natalie, Jessica, and Steven had left him there. It was pitch black. He looked at his watch. It glowed the numbers: 12:45. Dang, I was asleep for a long time! he thought to himself, I am soooo going to kill Natalie and Jessica after this! Hmmm, I bet they're in Jessica's house right now. Yike walked towards the Outback Steakhouse. He stopped by the limp form of Link, wondering why the Elf was dead, and then moved on. He came up to the back door of the house. Locked. He walked around and hopped the fence to the front the house. It was locked, too. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------------------ A shape moved outside. It was moving around towards the front of the house. Jessica peered through the window. It was very dark, so she couldn't see the face. She picked up the telephone and called Natalie. "Hello?" a groggy voice said. "Nat, this is Jess." "Yeah, I sort of figured that out. What do you want? It's 12:50!" "There's some psychopath outside! Bring your Mirkwood bow and Elvish sword! I'll get my flamethrower ready!" "Okay," Natalie said as she hung up the phone. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------------------ She stretched. She walked down her hallway and picked up her Mirkwood bow lying on the floor. She walked out of the door and walked over to Jessica's house. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------------------ Jessica waited for Natalie's arrival. In about 15 min., she saw a person walking towards the front door. The other shape had gone back towards the strawberry fields. She opened the door for Natalie. "Waaazuuup!!!" Natalie said grinning. She had her Mirkwood bow ready to fire. Her sword was with her, too. She couldn't wait to use her arrows. "Nothing much, I just have some kind of psychopathic stalker running around outside at this moment," Jessica said. "Well, that's a nice thought. Let's go see who it is!" They opened the back door and walked outside. They looked around. Out of the corner of Natalie's eye, she saw movement in some near-by bushes. "Over there," Natalie whispered. She walked slowly and soundlessly towards the bush. She took out her sword. She didn't want to kill the mysterious figure, she just wanted to stun it. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------------------ Yike hid under a bush. He watched as Natalie and Jessica walked out of the backdoor. Natalie said something, but he couldn't hear her. He saw her put her bow away and take out her sword. She came closer....closer...and closer...until she was a meter away from where the bush was. And then, the flat side of the sword came flying at him, and knocked him unconscious, again. "Hey! It's Yike!" Natalie cried as she put her sword down. "He was still in the fields?" Jessica asked. "I guess so. Help me bring him inside." They dragged the limp form of their crazy friend inside the Outback Steakhouse and threw him on the sofa. "Well, it's 1:15, and I'm tired!" Natalie said. "I'm going home. What are you going to do with Yike? He's still out cold." "I dunno. I guess we can leave him here on the sofa." "Well, see ya!" Natalie said as she walked out the door. 


	4. Chapter Four

I'm baaaaack! Hehe...I hope you guys loved the first 3 chapters so far...cuz if you loved those, then you'll really like this one...the Stick is mentioned! LOL  
  
Chapter Four  
  
In the morning, Yike found himself laying on a sofa in the middle of Jessica's Outback Steakhouse. The smell of strawberries filled his nose. He looked around. The whole room was red. There was pictures of strawberries on the walls. Yike got up and walked towards the kitchen. He opened the door and found Jessica making chocolate-dipped strawberries. "Would you like some strawberries?" Jessica asked as Yike walked in. "Do you have anything else to eat?" "I have onions," Jessica said. "I'll have strawberries," he said quickly. Jessica took out some plates and told Yike to go set the table. Natalie was there, too. She helped Yike with the table. Jessica finished dipping her strawberries and put them on the table. "Mmmm! I love strawberries!" Jessica said. "We know!" Natalie said. "I like mints!" Natalie and Jessica both exchanged evil grins, and Jessica took out a box of mints. "Look what I have here, Yike. These are special mints. They're from...uh...New Zealand. Yeah...they came from New Zealand," Jessica said. "Gimme! Gimme! Gimme!" Yike cried, staring madly at the mints. "Look at him, he's obsessed!" Natalie said, trying not to laugh. "THEY'RE MINE! MY MINTS!" Yike screamed at them. He ran out of the room. They heard a door slam and more running footsteps. "He took the radioactive mints!" Jessica said. "Of course he did...he's obsessed with mints!" Natalie snapped. "Let's go see if he eats them!" They walked outside. Natalie soon spotted Yike. He was sitting on a boulder, like Gollum, and muttering things to himself. Be quiet, Natalie mouthed to Jessica. Okay, Jessica mouthed back. They listened in silence as Yike fought with himself. There were two Yikes: Nice Yike and Evil Yike. "It's mine! My own! My preciousss!" Nice Yike said. "Yesss, it is ours," Evil Yike said. "Maybe I should give it back to Jessica. I stole them, and it's wrong to steal," Nice Yike said. "What?! They're our mints! We can eat them!" Evil Yike screamed. "No, they aren't mine!" Nice Yike said. "Jessica's my friend!" "You don't have any friends! Nobody likes you!" Evil Yike replied. "Not listening! Not listening!" Yike placed his hands over his ears. "You're a liar, and a thief!" Evil Yike said. "No." "Murderer!" "Go away," Nice Yike said. "I didn't mean to be an accomplice of murdering a donkey!" "Go away?! Ahahhaa!" Evil Yike mocked. "I hate you, I hate you!" " Where would you be without me? I saved us. It was me. We survived because of me! I was the one who gave you mints!" Evil Yike yelled. "Not anymore!" "What did you say?" Evil Yike questioned. "I don't need mints anymore. I don't need you!" "What?!" "Leave now and never come back." "No!" Evil Yike said. "Leave now and never come back!" "Arrrgh!" "LEAVE NOW AND NEVER COME BACK!" Nice Yike blinked and stopped for a second. "I told him to go away! And away he goes Preciousss. Gone, gone, gone, Yike is free!" Natalie and Jessica exchanged confused looks. "I never knew he had split personalities," Jessica whispered. "Me neither," Natalie said. They walked back into the Outback Steakhouse. Jessica decided to say that the restaurant was closed for the day because Link was gone. "Now I can go out with Ganondorf!" Jessica cried. "Why would you want to go out with him? He's ugly!" Natalie said. "Well, we are in Hell, and I am the Queen of Hell, so I should go out with him because he's so evil!" "Whatever...I think I'll just stick to wanting to go out with Orlando Bloom," Natalie said.  
  
The doorbell rang. Jessica went to answer the door. She opened it, and saw Yike. "Come inside," Jessica said. "I came here to give you this," Yike said as he sat down on the couch. He took out the box of radioactive mints. "I didn't mean to steal them." "Did he just give up a whole box of mints?!" Natalie asked in a shocked tone. "Uh, yeah, he did," Jessica said, stunned.. "What's bad about that? I can't go around stealing mints from the Queen of Hell!" "I guess so," Jessica said. Yike left, and Natalie and Jessica stared in amazement. "What are you going to do with those mints? They're radioactive!" Natalie said. "I dunno. I really dunno. Know anyone to give them to?" Jessica asked. "Yeah! I do! Let's give them to Sara! She's that peep that's obsessed with Aaron Carter!" Natalie and Jessica left the Outback Steakhouse. They took a taxi over to Sara's house. Jessica knocked on the door. "Hey Jessica! Have you come over to see my newest poster of Aaron?" Sara asked. "NO! I came here to give you these,"Jessica said as she took out the mints. "They're from New Zealand," Natalie included. "Cool!" Sara said. She snatched the box from Jessica. She opened the box and shoved all the mints into her mouth. "Mmmm!" she said. After swallowing them all, she dropped to the floor. "Is she dead?" Jessica asked. "No, she's unconscious I believe," Natalie said. At that moment, they noticed that Sara was growing a white bushy tail. Fur grew all over her, and her ears moved on top of her head and grew pointy. Her eyes became pinkish-red. Her hands and feet changed into paws. In a few minutes, Sara had transformed into a giant-five-foot-tall-albino- squirrel. "Ahahhaa!" she cried. And with that. She ran past them. Natalie and Jessica got back into the taxi. "Follow that giant-five-foot-tall-albino-squirrel!" Natalie yelled to the driver. They raced toward Sara. They arrived just in time to see Sara attack Yike. "Give me your mints!" Sara screamed. "NOOO!" Yike yelled. They fought furiously. After a while, Sara managed to grab Yike's half_broken sword that could not be repaired because he was too cheap to do it. "My preciousss!" Yike screamed. "Ahahhaa!" Sara said. She put the sword in her mouth and climbed up the nearest tree. "My sword!" Yike said. "Yike, take a chill pill, it's just a half-broken sword for crying out loud! Here, take this stick," Natalie said. She took out a piece of wood that looked like it used to hold something on one end. She gave it to Yike. "Ahahhaa! I have the stick!" Yike said. "It's my preciousss!" "Whatever," Natalie said. "Yeah, whatever," Jessica said. "While we're out, let's go find Ganondorf!" "Okay, but only if we go find Orlando, too!" Natalie said. "Fine then," Jessica said. Yike rolled his eyes and followed his 2 friends. They told the taxi driver to drop them off at the premieres for The Two Towers, because Natalie knew that Orlando Bloom would be there, and Jessica found out that Ganondorf would be there, too. "LOOK JESSICA!!! IT'S ORLANDO BLOOM!!!" Natalie screamed when she saw him get out of the limo. She took out her five-foot long poster of Legolas and a pen. She ran out of the crowds and jumped over the barricades. "Orlando!!! Will you please autograph my poster? I'm your number one fan!!!" Natalie said. "Uh, sure," he said. He took the pen from her and signed the poster. "Thank you sooo much!!!" Natalie said. She gave him a big hug and ran back to Jessica. "I can't believe that you just hugged Orlando Bloom!" Jessica said. "Me neither!" Natalie said. "I got my poster signed!" "Let's go find Ganondorf!" "Okay." Jessica led the way. They walked past many psyched Elijah Wood fans. They ran into the theater. They walked past the isles until they came to the isle that was empty, except for one sinister figure siting in it, Ganondorf. "GANONDORF!!!" Jessica screamed. She ran up and threw herself on him. "You must rule Hell with me!" "Never!" Ganondorf said as he shoved her off him. "MINIONS!" Jessica yelled. Ten thousand strawberry minions and Sara the squirrel ran out of nowhere and started to sing Yike's "My International Network of Telemarketing for mints" (M.I.N.T.) Song. And Sara started to sing an Aaron Carter song. "No more! No more! I'll rule Hell with you! Just make them stop!" Ganondorf said. "Minions, go back to the fields! Sara, go wherever squirrels live!" Jessica said. "I will now introduce myself in a song!" Ganondorf said. A catwalk appeared out of nowhere in the middle of the room. Music and lights start and he started to sing: "I'm too sexy for my love Too sexy for my love Love's going to leave I'm too sexy for a sword Too sexy for a sword So sexy it hurts.  
  
I'm too sexy for Heaven To sexy for Heaven New York and Devon. I'm too sexy for your fighting I'm too sexy for your fighting That's why I am freaky looking I'm an evil ruler if you know what I mean And I'll kill everything in a battle Yeah, in a battle In a battle I kill everything in a battle  
  
I'm too sexy for your throne I'm too sexy for your throne Better give it to my clone I'm too sexy for my girlfriend I'm too sexy for my girlfriend Jessica, this is not meant to offend! I'm an evil ruler if you know what I mean And I'll kill everything in a battle Yeah, in a battle In a battle-" "Okay, that's a wrap!" Natalie said. "And I thought Yike was a bad signer....jeez!" "I heard that!" Yike yelled. "I think he's absolutely sexy!" Jessica said. "Right," Natalie said. "Come along Ganondorf, let us take a ride on the Millennium Falcon to my Outback Steakhouse, so you can rule Hell with me!" Jessica said. She whistled, and out of nowhere, the space ship, Millennium Falcon, came. Chewbacca was driving it. "To my Outback Steakhouse!" Jessica cried. 


	5. Chapter Five

Hey everyone! Nat here. Jess and I get to sing our "Rulers of Hell and Mirkwood" song in this chapter. Orlando Bloom is back in this chapter...and he's going to be in all the next chapters that follow! Please review my story! I need some feedback!  
  
Chapter Five  
  
Jessica, Ganondorf, Natalie were about to get on the Millennium Falcon when Orlando Bloom came running to Natalie. "Wait, I'm coming with you!" he cried. "Orlando?" Natalie questioned. "What are you doing here?" "I want to come with you!" Orlando said. "OKAY!" Natalie said...she was obviously insanely happy about this. "Hi, I'm Yike!" Yike said. "Doctors say I have multiple personalities, but we don't agree with that." "I'm Jessica, Queen of Hell/Damned, and this is Ganondorf, my assistant!" "Nice to meet you...I think," Orlando said. "Well, at least now she'll stop threatening us with her bow." said Jessica. "Yeah," said Yike. "I heard that! You do know that Orlando is highly skilled with a bow, right?" Natalie said. "Besides, I am a good archer! Anyways, let's go on the ship!" Everyone boards the Millennium Falcon, and Chewbacca takes them all to the Outback Steakhouse. As they landed and got out of the ship, Natalie and Jessica start to sing to the Y.M.C.A. tune, like Yike, except instead of M.I.N.T., it's R.O.H.A.M.: "Beat it! If you're some piece of trailer trash scum I said beat it Then you know where to come There's some peeps here called R.O.H.A.M. You-can-rule-a-place-now Just come to the R.O.H.A.M. Come to the R.O.H.A.M. You can rule Hell Or maybe Mirkwood When you come to Rivendell You will have never ruled a place that was so good! Just come to the R.O.H.A.M. Come to the R.O.H.A.M. Rule Mirkwood Or maybe Rivendell Any other place isn't as good And it won't certainly be as cool as Hell! So come to the R.O.H.A.M. Just go to the R.O.H.A.M..-," "My ears! They burn! They're burning! The horror! The horror! Natalie and Jessica singing!" "Isn't that Steven?" asked Jessica. "Yeah, it is! Waaazuuup!!!" Natalie said. "Oh, nothing much. My hearing will be scarred for life from Natalie and Jessica's horrible-" "Why you little! Don't you dare insult Natalie! Come on Ganondorf, help me beat this little freak up!" Orlando said. "Wait, I'll just stun him with my Elvish sword!" Natalie said, as she took it out and knocked Steven unconscious. "Want a mint?" Yike asked the limp form of Steven. "YIKE!" Natalie, Jessica, Orlando, and Ganondorf said. "What?!" "Why is he obsessed with mints?" Orlando asked. "Don't-"Natalie said as Yike started to sing his M.I.N.T. song. "- ask." "Eat it! If your breath smells like scum I said eat it Then you know where to come There's a thing here called M.I.N.T. You-can-get-a-mint-now Just come to the M.I.N.T. Come to the M.I.N.T. You can get a mint Or maybe a listerine When you first taste it Your breath will have never been so clean! Just come to the M.I.N.T. Come to the M.I.N.T. Eat a strong mint Or maybe a listerine Any other breath-mint Won't keep your breath as clean! So come to the M.I.N.T. Just go to the M.I.N.T.-," "My ears! They burn! They're burning! The horror! The horror! Yike singing!" Steven cried in his unconscious state. "What the...?" Jessica asked. "I didn't know that he could still complain about Yike's singing while he's unconscious!" Natalie said. "I guess so," Orlando said. "Wanna mint?" Yike asked Orlando. "Um..let me think...NO!" Orlando snapped. "Yike, seriously, no one wants your mints!" Natalie said. "Yeah, Yike. The only one that ever ate your mints was Sara!" Jessica said. All of a sudden, a huge giant-five-foot-tall-albino-squirrel came running towards Yike. "MINTS!" it cried. "What is that?" Orlando asked. "This is Sara. She used to be a human until we gave her some radioactive mints. Then she turned into a giant-five-foot-tall-albino- squirrel," Jessica said. "Yeah, and she used to be one of Aaron Carter's number one fans," Natalie said. "I still am!" Sara said. "Okaaay," Orlando said. "Now give me your mints!" Sara yelled at Yike. "NEVER!" "Fine then! I want your erasers!" Sara said. "Erasers?" Ganondorf questioned. "Yes! Erasers!" Sara said. "I don't have any," Yike replied. "Neither do I," said Natalie. "I don't think any of us do," Jessica said. "I got an idea! Let's sing our Rulers Of Hell And Mirkwood song! Where are my minions?" Jessica's ten thousand strawberry minions came out of nowhere and started to sing with Jessica and Natalie. "Beat it! If you're some piece of trailer trash scum I said beat it Then you know where to come There's some peeps here called R.O.H.A.M. You-can-rule-a-place-now Just come to the R.O.H.A.M. Come to the R.O.H.A.M. You can rule Hell Or maybe Mirkwood When you come to Rivendell You will have never ruled a place that was so good! Just come to the R.O.H.A.M. Come to the R.O.H.A.M. Rule Mirkwood Or maybe Rivendell Any other place isn't as good And it won't certainly be as cool as Hell! So come to the R.O.H.A.M. Just go to the R.O.H.A.M..-," "No more!" Sara said. "Yeah!" Ganondorf said. "Want a mint?" Yike asked. Everyone turned around and yelled, "NO!" "Okay, I think we should go eat some onions and steak!" Jessica said. "Yeah!" Natalie said. "With mints!" Yike said. "NO!" Everyone said back. 


	6. Chapter Six

Nat here...I hope you guys think my fan fic is random enough ^_^ I'm trying to make it as funny as possible...have fun reading chapter 6!  
  
Chapter Six  
  
Jessica had her strawberry minions cook the onions, the steak, and a salad for Orlando, while she, Natalie, Orlando, Ganondorf, and Yike talked. "Anyone wanna mint?" Yike said. "NO!" Everyone said. "I'll have your erasers!" Sara interjected. "What erasers?!" Orlando asked. "The ones in your backpacks!" "Uh...I don't have mine with me," said Natalie. "Me neither," said Orlando. "I have my mints and my stick!" Yike cried. "Jessica...?" Sara asked. "NEVER! You cannot have it!" Jessica yelled across the table. Sara moved quickly and silently towards Jessica's backpack. She leaped and grabbed it in her squirrel hands. She dug through the backpack and soon enough, found a square, pink eraser. "My Preciousss!" Jessica screamed. "It's mine!" Sara said. She took the eraser and started to chew on it. "Nooo!" Sara chewed the eraser up and soon, there was no eraser, only a pile of pink shavings. "My eraser!" "Ahahhaa!" Sara yelled, and then she ran out of the front door. "Okaaay...I'm going to pretend that I did not just witness a talking giant-five-foot-tall-albino-squirrel steal, and eat your eraser," Natalie said. "Same here," Orlando said. "Yup," said Ganondorf. "Want a -," "NO!" Jessica said. "For crying out loud, Yike, no one wants your mints!" Natalie said. "Look you guys!" Jessica said. "The onions, steak, and salad have arrived!" Jessica's minions brought the food to the table, and then went back into the kitchen. "Let's eat!" Ganondorf said. "Yeah," said Jessica. They had just started to eat dinner, when all of a sudden, someone started to knock on the door. "I wonder who that could be," Jessica said as she went to answer it. She opened the door, and a skinny blonde girl came in. "Hey Jessica! I smell food! Can I raid your fridge?!" said the girl. "No, Chelsey, you cannot. Why did you come all the way over here?" "I smelled your food! I am hungry. Hmmm...I smell food! Can I stay for dinner?" "Uh...Natalie, Orlando, Yike, Ganondorf, one of you come here," Jessica said. Natalie came into the hallway with her Elvish sword in hand and a grin upon her face. "I get to use my sword! Yay!" Natalie said. "I presume you want me to knock her out unconscious?" "Yup." "Okay!" Natalie wielded her sword, and took the flat side and hit Chelsey on the side of the head with it. "Let's have Yike take her home. He's got to go anyways," Jessica said. "Okay, but as long as she has a mint!" Yike said. "Whatever," Natalie and Jessica said at the same time. "Chewbacca can give you a ride home, too, Yike," Jessica said. "Okay! I'll ask him if he wants a mint too! If he says no, I'll beat him up with my stick." "Uh...okay...whatever, Yike," Natalie said. Yike and Chewbacca took Chelsey into the Millennium Falcon and left. "Well, I better be going, Jess," Natalie said. "Orli, come on, I'm leaving." "Okay, see you Jessica!" Orlando said. "Bye Nat! Bye Orlando!" Jessica said. Natalie and Orlando headed home, while Jessica and Ganondorf gave the strawberry minions the dishes to wash. Jessica let Ganondorf sleep on the sofa, while she dreamed of more evil plots in her sleep. 


	7. Chapter Seven

Nat here...the story continues...the One Stick has been found...and now we are at the Council of Elrond!!!  
  
Chapter Seven  
  
In the morning, Jessica had an urgent meeting at her Outback Steakhouse with all her friends/allies. Some of these people were: Natalie, Yike, Orlando, Ganondorf, Steven, Chelsey, Austin Powers, the strawberry minions, and some demons. Jessica had found out that the stick that Natalie had given Yike was the One Stick that could give Sara full power to take over Hell with her squirrel army. Lord Elrond was helping them with the decisions. "Strangers from distant lands, friends of old, you have been summoned here to answer the threat of Sara. Hell stands on the brink of destruction. None can escape it. You will unite or you will fall. Each race is bound to this fate, this one doom. Bring forth the Stick, Yike," Elrond said. Yike took the Stick and reluctantly set it down on a table in the middle of the council. He sat down and took a huge breath. "So it is true," Chelsey said. "The doom of man," said a demon "It is a gift. A gift to the foes of Sara! Why not use this Stick? Long has my father, the Steward of Burger King, kept the forces of Sara at bay...by the food of our people...are you lands safe. Give Burger King the weapon of the enemy. Let us use it against her," Chelsey said. "You cannot wield it. None of us can. The One Stick answers to Sara alone. It has no other master," Natalie said. "And what would a teenage girl know of this matter?" Chelsey asked. "This is no mere girl...she is Natalie, daughter of Janice. You owe her your allegiance," Orlando said. "Natalie? This is Janice's heir?" "An heir to the throne of Mirkwood," Orlando replied. "Havo dad, Orlando," Natalie said, which meant, "Sit down, Orlando." in Elvish. "Mirkwood has no queen," Chelsey looked at Orlando and then to Natalie. "Mirkwood needs no queen." "Natalie is right, we cannot use it," said Steven. "You have only one choice. The Stick must be destroyed,"Elrond said. "Well what are we waiting for?!" muttered Austin. He took up his strongest club and hit the stick. The club broke and Austin fell on his butt. "The Stick cannot be destroyed, Austin Powers, son of Chewbacca, by any craft that we here posses. The Stick was made in the snows of Mount Everest...only there can it be unmade. It must be taken up unto Earth and cast back into the freezing chasm from whence it came. One of you must do this," Elrond said. The room was silent for a few seconds. Crickets chirped in the background. A squirrel sat somewhere in a tree, eating an eraser. Ganondorf left the room. "One does not simply walk into Earth. It's old gates are guarded by more than just dogs. There is evil there that does not sleep. And the great Rottweiler is ever watchful. It's not a barren wasteland riddled with fire and ash and dust, like here. It's air is not a poisonous fume. Not with ten thousand men could you do this. It is folly!" Chelsey said. "Have you heard nothing Lord Elrond has said? The Stick must be destroyed!" Natalie cried as she stood up. "And I suppose you think you're the one to do it!" yelled Austin. "And if we fail, what then? What happens when Sara takes back what is hers?" Chelsey asked. "I won't be dead before I see the Stick in the hands of a teen!" Austin retorted. "Never trust a teen!" The whole council got into a big argument and Elrond couldn't calm them down. They fought, ranted, and raved for a while. "I will take it!" a voice cried. "I will take it!" Everyone turned to face Frodo Baggins running out behind a bush. "I will take the Ring to Mordor! Though...I do not know the way," he said. "Uh, Frodo, we aren't destroying the One Ring. We're destroying the One Stick," Elrond said. "Oops, wrong story," Frodo said. He went back behind the bushes. "I will take the stick to Earth!" Yike finally said. "Though...I do not know the way." "I will help you bear this burden, Yike, as long as it is yours to bear," Steven said. "If by my life or death I can protect you, I will. You have my sword," Natalie said. "And you have her bow!" Orlando said. "And my mojo!" Austin said. "You carry the fate of us all, minty one. If this is indeed the word of the council, than Burger King shall see it done," Chelsey said. "Here! Mr. Yike's not going anywhere without me!" Frodo cried as he jumped back out of the bushes. "No, indeed it is hardly possible to separate you two even when he is summoned to a secret council and you are not." Elrond said. "Oi! We're coming, too!" Jessica cried as she and Ganondorf came running to Yike. "You'd have to send us out and tie us in a sack to stop us!" Jessica said. "Anyways, you need people of intelligence on this sort of...mission...quest...thing!" Ganondorf said. "Well, that rules you out, G-dorf!" Jessica said. "Nine companions...so be it...you shall be the Fellowship of the Stick!" Elrond said. "Great! Where are we going?" asked Ganondorf. Everyone turned around and stared at Ganondorf. "What?" "Never mind," said Natalie. "Yeah," said Orlando. 


	8. Chapter Eight

Hey everyone! This chapter is a little short, but that's good, right?  
  
Chapter Eight  
  
"This is the One Stick," Jessica told her friends. "All Sara needs is this to rule Hell. Her forces have multiplied, and they have rebuilt her kingdom in the treetops. And now her nine Stickwraiths will be after you, Yike." "You mean the Nazgul?" Frodo asked. "No, wrong story, Frodo!" Jessica said. "These wraiths are black squirrels with black eyes. They ride on walking trees." "You mean the Ents?" Frodo asked. "No, wrong story, again." "Anyone wanna mint?" Yike asked. "NO!" Everyone yelled. "Anyways, back to what I was saying. You must be very careful, for these Stickwraiths will never stop hunting you!" Jessica said. "Let's go to Earth then!" Steven said. "A reminder to all of us who are going to Earth, it has a colder climate than Hell, so bring some thick jackets and gloves!" Jessica said. "Definitely!" Steven said. "I'm going to sing my new song!" Yike exclaimed. He started to sing to the tune of "It's a Small World" like the ride in Disneyland: "It's a mint world after all! It's a mint world after all!" It's a mint world after all! It's a mint world-" "Enough!" yelled Orlando. "My ears! They burn! They're burning! The horror! The horror! Yike singing!" Steven cried. "Can I knock him out unconscious?" Natalie asked. "Sure. Ganondorf, you carry him," Jessica said. Natalie took out her Elvish sword and hit Yike on the head with the flat side. "That's better!" Chelsey said. "Yeah," said Austin. In about two hours, everyone was ready to go to Earth. They got the key to Hell's Gate from a demon and walked into the world of the living. 


	9. Chapter Nine

This is Nat, and I'm back with chapter 8 of my random LOTR parody...we are now leaving Hell and coming to Earth in the story's setting  
  
Chapter Nine  
  
Natalie looked confused. She didn't know where in Earth they were. She opened her mouth to ask Jessica, but Orlando had noticed Natalie's expression earlier. "We are in Wellington!" Orlando cried happily. "New Zealand?" Natalie asked. She grinned. "This is where WETA Workshop is!" "Yeah, it is. They still have hobbit feet and elf ears here, too," Orlando said. "WETA Workshop?" asked Chelsey. "Yeah, it's the place where they made the props and other stuff for the movies," Natalie said. "Ah," Chelsey said. "Grumph!" Yike said. "What the Hell?" Natalie asked. "I think Yike woke up," Steven said. "Yeah, baby! He did!" Austin said. "Wha...where are we?" Yike asked. "We're in Wellington!" Natalie yelled happily. "Oh no! Let me guess, you want to go see the WETA Workshop so you can snag a pair of Elf ears?" Yike asked. "How'd you know?" Natalie asked. "I know all, but I do not tell all!" Yike said. "I don't even wanna know what that means," Jessica said. "Same here," Natalie said. They walked onto a sidewalk and past many stores. They came up to a building that said WETA Workshop on it. "LOOK YOU GUYS!!! IT'S WETA WORKSHOP!!!" Natalie screamed. "Natalie, sweetie, we know how happy you are, but can you lower your voice a bit?" Orlando asked. "Sure, Orli," Natalie smiled at him. "Jessica! Orlando Bloom just called me 'sweetie,' I can't believe he just did that!" "Same here...I guess he doesn't know how evil you can be," Jess said. "Oh shut up!" Natalie said. "Oh behave, Jessica!" Austin said. He winked at Jessica and then smiled with his ugly teeth. "Eeewwww!" Jessica said. "Hey! That's my girl!" Ganondorf said to Austin. "No one hits on my girl!" Austin slunk away quietly. "Really though, I can't believe that G-dorf just told Austin that I'm his girl...that's just plain freaky!" "Tell me about it!" Natalie said. They entered the building. Natalie was already looking at everything as if all the objects were priceless or sacred. Something on the wall caught her attention. There was a bow hanging on the wall. It was the bow that Orlando had used in the movie for Lord of the Rings. She was frozen in place. "Yeah, that was my bow," Orlando said. "I know," Natalie whispered. She walked towards the bow. She was only a few inches from it now. She lifted it off the wall and picked up one of the arrows out of the quiver. She strung it on the bow and let the arrow fly. It hit an Orc suit. It went in right between the eyes. "Dang, she has good aim!" Chelsey said. "I never thought she could do that," said Yike. "Same here," Jessica said. "I thought she was always bluffing." "I guess not," said Steven. Natalie was still looking at the bow in amazement. She then looked at Orlando. He knew what she was about to ask. "Yes, Natalie, you can have it." he said. Natalie put down the bow and ran to Orlando and threw her arms around him. "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" she cried. She looked up at his gorgeous brown eyes. He was looking back, smiling. Before they knew what they were doing, they were kissing each other in front of the whole Fellowship. "Uh...Natalie...Orlando...we sort of have to destroy the One Stick you know," Jessica said. "Oh...yeah...right," Natalie blushed. "Let's go kick some squirrel butt!" She let go of Orlando and smiled at him again. Orlando smiled back. "Let's do it!" he said. "Natalie...don't forget your bow." "Oh...yeah...thanks for reminding me!" "You're welcome." "Oh behave you two!" Austin said. Natalie and Orlando both gave him evil glances and said, "Shut up!" They noticed that they had done it the same time, and both turned bright red. "Puh-lease!" said Steven. Natalie was about to go slap him when Orlando said, "Don't worry, Natalie. He's just jealous." "You're right," she said. They walked out of the building. "How are we going to go to Mount Everest if it's in Asia, and we're in New Zealand?" Chelsey asked. "We'll have to take an plane," Yike said. "Yeah," Orlando said. "I'll show you guys the way to the airport." "Okay," Natalie said. They got two taxis to take them to the Wellington airport. Natalie, Orlando, Jessica, and Ganondorf got in one taxi. Chelsey, Yike, Steven, Austin, and Frodo got into the other. Natalie and Orlando sat in the back of the taxi with Jessica. Ganondorf sat in the front because he was smelling strange, so no one wanted to sit by him, not even Jessica. "I love your English accent!" Natalie said. "It's so sexy!" "A lot of people tell me that," Orlando said. "You guys!" Jessica said. "What?" Natalie and Orlando asked. "Could you stop flirting with each other for a second?" "Fine then!" Natalie said. "If you don't wanna hear us talk, then we won't." "We'll just make out and gross you out, okay?" Orlando said. Jessica rolled her eyes. She looked up as if saying, Why me? They got to the airport. "We can take my personal plane!" Austin said. "Okay!" Everyone else said. Austin led them to the gate and they boarded his jet. "Welcome to my plane!" Austin said. "It's so cool!" Frodo said. "Yeah," said Steven. "So, who's going to drive this thing?" asked Jessica. "I have a pilot," replied Austin. "I'd just like to tell you all that Austin makes British people look bad, and not all British people act like him," said Orlando. "Well, I knew that," replied Natalie. "Yeah, same here," said Chelsey. "Everyone, strap on your seatbelts, and get ready, because we're leaving right now!" said the pilot. The whole Fellowship sat down in the seats and put on their seatbelts. Natalie took out a deck of cards. "Let's play B.S.!" Natalie said. "Okay," everyone said. "Anyone wanna mint?" Yike asked. "NO!" everyone else said. 


	10. Chapter Ten

Nat here. I'm back and everyone else in the Fellowship of the Stick are, too. The plot thickens...^_^  
  
Chapter 10  
  
After two hours of playing B.S., everyone got bored. They started to play 21, but then after 25 more minutes of playing, they got bored with that, too. Almost all of the Fellowship was falling asleep. The rest were listening to Linkin Park's "Hybrid Theory" CD. "I can't take it anymore! It's too quiet!" Natalie said. "Yeah," said Jessica. "I got an idea!" Orlando said. He grinned at Natalie. "Let's play 'spin-the-bottle!'" "Okay!" Ganondorf said. He winked at Jessica. "Groovy!" Austin said as he tried to hold Chelsey's hand. "Eeewwww! Stop it you pervert!" Chelsey screamed. "What the Hell?" Natalie asked. "That's just mentally disturbing!" "Really though!" Jessica said. Everyone sat in a circle on the floor. Frodo already had an empty coke bottle, so he put it in the middle of the circle. "Who wants to spin it first?" asked Orlando. "I will!" Natalie said. She picked up the bottle and spun it. It twirled and took a while to slow down. It stopped at Orlando. She was so happy it didn't land on Austin. She scooted next to Orlando. She looked up into his eyes for the second time, and kissed him in front of the Fellowship for the second time. "My turn!" said Austin. He flashed his hideous grin at Jessica. "Grrr...why you little!" Ganondorf growled. Austin took the bottle and spun it. It twirled in a few circles and started to slow down. It came to a halt right in front of Chelsey. "Ahhh!" "Come here!" Austin said. "No!" Chelsey cried. Austin got up and grabbed Chelsey's arm. She kicked him and ran behind Steven. "Please help me, Steven!" she said. "You shall not pass!" Steven said to Austin. "Huh? All I wanna do is kiss the chick!" "You shall not pass!" Steven said. He shook his umbrella in front of Austin's face. "Fine then!" Austin said. He went and sat back down. "Thank you so much!" Chelsey said. She hugged Steven and kissed him on the lips. After realizing what she just did, she blushed and sat down. Ganondorf took the bottle and spun it. It slowed down and stopped at Jessica. "Oh Ganondorf, I thought you'd never kiss me!" Jessica said. "Uh..." Ganondorf said. "I mean, I know how you feel about me. I'm sure you know about how I feel about you!" she said. "Uh..." "I LOVE YOU!" Jessica said. She kissed Ganondorf and smiled happily. "I never knew the Queen of Hell could actually like someone," Natalie said. "Same thing about the evil dude," said Yike. "Hey!" Jessica said. "I heard that, and so did Ganny!" "Ganny?" Natalie asked. "Yes, Ganny!" Jessica said. "Okaaay...I'm going to pretend that I just did not witness Jessica make out with the most ugliest dude I have ever seen in my whole life," Natalie said. "You're just jealous!" "Jealous of what? Your Ganny?! HELL NO! I've got Orli!" Natalie said. "And I have Steven!" Chelsey said. "And I have my mints!" Yike cried. "SHUT THE HELL UP!" everyone yelled at Yike. "What?" "Jess...?" "Yes, Natalie, you can stun him," Jessica said. "Yay!" Natalie said. She wielded her Elvish sword and hit Yike on the side of the head with the flat side as usual. "That's better," she said. They sat in silence for a few more hours. The pilot came on the intercom, and they landed on an island off of Thailand. "There's an old Dr. Evil hideout near here. It'll be a faster way to Mount Everest," Austin said. "We should fly to Nepal!" Steven said. "No, I wanna go through the old mines!" "Let the Stick bearer decide!" Steven said. "We will go through the mines!" Yike said. Steven smiled grimly at Yike. He knew about the dangerous creature that inhabited the abandoned mines. They walked off the plane. They went into the dense jungle. The Fellowship soon came up to a old sign. It was made of wood and built on a fence. The two doors opened when they got into one of the old rusty cars. The words painted on the cars were to illegible to interpret. The gate's paint had fallen off. As they went passed the doors, a huge booming voice said: "Welcome to Jurassic Park!" "What the Hell?" Natalie asked. "Jurassic Park? No way!" Jessica said. "Uh..." Ganondorf said. They got out of the cars and looked up at the electric fence that supposedly held the tyrannosaurus rex. It was broken. The animals were on the loose. "Uh oh," said Chelsey. "Well that doesn't look good," said Frodo. "Into the mines!" yelled Steven. They ran towards the Jurassic Park entrance building. A velociraptor chased them. Natalie took out her Mirkwood bow. She strung an arrow and let it fly. It hit the raptor in the chest. The raptor stopped, surprised, it had never been attacked by an arrow before. Natalie was quick enough to string another arrow and shoot the raptor while it was still in shock. This time, the arrow went right through the heart. The raptor fell to the ground twitching. Natalie picked her arrows out of the dead raptor and put them back in her quiver. "Jessica...get out your flamethrower. I have a feeling we're being watched," Natalie said. "Orlando, they taught you how to fight with swords, right?" "Yeah," he replied. "Here, use my Elvish sword. It is a very deadly weapon in the hands of its beholder-." "Rrrrroooaaarr!" A raptor jumped right in front of Jessica and Natalie. Jessica started to torch it, while Natalie shot 2 arrows into its head. Orlando slit its throat with the sword. The raptor cried in alarm and fell. "Watch out!" yelled Yike Another 3 raptors came running up to the Fellowship. Orlando wielded the sword. Natalie strung an arrow and shot it into one of the raptor's neck. Jessica started to torch the nearest raptor. Orlando swung his sword and cut off the raptor's left arm. The raptor cried out in surprise. Orlando hit the raptor in the stomach with the sword and left a big gash. Blood was dripping off his blade. After killing the 3 raptors, the Fellowship ran into the building after Natalie had retrieved all her arrows. They walked past dusty, broken computers and vine covered chairs. Austin led them to a door that said To Mines on it. The Fellowship followed him and they soon found themselves in a dark tunnel. "It's so dark," said Natalie. "Can we get something, like a piece of wood, so we can burn it and use it as a torch?" Jessica asked. "We can use the Stick!" Frodo said. "NO! The Stick won't burn anyways. It'll just have Elvish writing show up on it," said Steven. "What does it say?" asked Orlando. "It translates from the Dark Squirrel tongue to: One Stick to rule them all. One Stick to find them. One Stick to bring them all, and in the darkness bind them." "Oh," said Orlando. "I have a flashlight!" Steven said. He gave it to Austin. The others followed him farther into the dark tunnel. 


End file.
